Trying to find the light in the darkness.

The past few weeks have been awful. Since my birthday on January 9th I’ve felt nothing but pain. I feel so helpless and lonely most days, I don’t know how much more I can take. I want to be strong.  I want to conquer these illnesses and not let them get me down but most days it’s hard to see anything but the pain.  I can’t concentrate on anything because the pain is so severe.  Most morning I have trouble just getting up to get the girls ready for school.  I cannot keep up with my house chores and forget about having a social life.  Most of the few friends and family members I have left seem annoyed with the fact that I often have to cancel plans.

Little do they know that most days it hurts so much I won’t even get up to get myself something to eat.  Or that my arms and shoulders hurt so much I couldn’t wash my hair for over a week.  That it hurts to do something so simple as just put on socks.  Not even those closest to me truly understand the severity of my illnesses.  Perhaps they are just so used to seeing me sick that it’s completely normal for them.

It truly is getting harder and harder every single day.  I wish I could say I’m getting better and that I will beat this battle but right know it truly feels like I’m losing.  My Rheumatologist said his only suggestions were to up my pain medications or put me on anti-depressants.  In no way would either of those suggestions help me.

I spoke with a nurse from the Center of Endometriosis Research & Treatment in San Diego & was told since all my reproductive organs have been removed, my case is no loner even considered endometriosis.  Now they are adhesions caused by the past endo that must be removed by a surgeon. So I must go back to the drawing board and find a surgeon who is whiling to help me.  Wish me luck!

Erica D.