chronic illness · chronic pain · Invisible Illness · lupus

The Debilitating Life of Chronic Pain

Chronic pain, a word only those who deal with truly understand.  It is extremely difficult for others to comprehend just how bad our pain really is.  It’s unimaginable for them to believe that we can be in so much pain, all the time.

I have been dealing with a severe arthritis flare for 36 hours now.  My body always hurts but the past few days have left me bedridden.  The pain is so bad I can’t move.  It physically feels like I have fifty pounds pressing on me.  Every move I make causes pain to rush up and down my body.  I cannot even find a comfortable position to lay in, in hopes of alleviating the pain.

This all is even more stressful to deal with when you have a family to take care of.  The girls are on summer break & are dependent on me to cook for them.  I’ve unsuccessful tried to teach them to cook some basic meals but they tend to not do much unless guided.  This has been another extremely difficulty in my life.  If I’m sick, nothing gets done.  My husband works 40 hours a week (like most adults) therefore doesn’t feel compelled to help around the house.  On days when I am bedridden, I can tell he gets annoyed.  He will continuously complain about his ailments. Every time!  Without fail, if my body hurts he will say his back hurts.  If I have a migraine, he will complain of having a headache.  Every time!  It’s really frustration to me because I don’t know if he’s trying to minimalize my pain or trying to say his is just as severe.

I have brought it up to him before.  I told him that I was worried that he must be very sick since he seems to have every single symptom I have.  I understand that he has a labor intensive job that leaves him tired at the end of the day but he completely checks out when he gets home.  He will not do one thing unless I ask him to.  Even then, there’s only a 50% chance that he’ll do it.  I think this is what has been causing the most stress in my life.  I need someone to help me with household chores. Someone to help me run errands.  Someone to take care of what needs to be done without having to be asked.  The saddest part is I’ve had a conversation with him about this issue dozens of times.  Every time he admits he needs to try harder but nothing ever changes.  He won’t even help me by sticking to a budget so we can afford to vacation with his family this summer.

I really don’t know what to do anymore. I feel so lonely because of this disease.  No one wants to be a part of your life when you’re ​not well.  I even had a cousin message me today saying she wanted to visit me but not if I was “going to be sick & sleeping the whole time”.  I really wonder if some people don’t think before they speak.

Sorry for the rant filled post.  I’m just really down by peoples lack of compassion.


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